At one time, I was arrogantly dismissive of AA’s “God of my understanding.” Now, I honestly regret that perspective; and, I realize that everyone believes in, questions the existence of, or outright rejects the “God of (that person’s) understanding.”
God is or God isn’t.
Late in his Papacy, Pope Benedict XVI celebrated Mass at an airport in Germany. During that liturgy, he said something that I found quite remarkable. According to the Holy Father, agnostics who are genuinely seeking an answer to the question of God’s existence are “closer to the kingdom of God than believers whose life of faith is routine.”
There is intrinsic value in the search!
If one sees the suffering and anguish of the world and questions the existence of a good God, that is a noble act!
If one sees pride and judgment in “the faithful” yet struggles to hope in God, that is heroic!
If one was raised with a crippling, legalistic faith and felt doomed to fail before a punitive God, and if that person walks away discouraged, that is tragic… and understandable!
If God is, then there is an objective reality of God… the great I AM.
The human mind cannot grasp the entirety of I AM, which is why the holy search remains ever fruitful and exhilarating.
I believe that one’s understanding of God is intended to evolve and deepen as he/she continues to search. And in the midst of that process, which might rightly be called “the spiritual life,” it is often necessary to let go of the false gods — or, the false images of I AM — that one has held before. Sometimes, that letting go can be frightening, especially if one’s “faith” has been fear-based.
I believe that God is.
Today, I too profess that my faith is in the God of my (ever-deepening) understanding!